R Jay Slais

Such A Dog! Imagine

…message received from Snoopy’s PurpleBarry phone…
Yesterday, I was a dog, today I’m a dog.
Tomorrow, I’ll probably still be a dog.
Sigh! There’s so little hope for advancement.
Yet, contrary to your beliefs, good grief
such a dog and secretly so much more.

We both have had you going, thinking what you think.
Oh… did I say we… sorry Patty, I am… such a dog.
Charlie Brown, Lucy, Linus, and the others have no clue,
but they’re all still just kids, they always will be.
Patricia “Peppermint Patty” Reichardt is different,
she’s always been a women ahead of her time.

Whether she’s pitching no hitters on the playground
or sleeping through class and getting away with it,
Patty and I have been more than friends ever since
she hired me to guard her house so she could sleep.
Ever since I defeated the Red Baron, Patty and I
have been making each and every one of your lives safer.

James Bond’s got nothing on me. I am Joe Cool!
Peppermint Patty’s persistent personality perplexes the public,
a perfect pair, Patty and me. We are secretly spies for the FBI!
That old doghouse always got me up and around, but now,
my flying days are over; now I Segway when I want to get away.
In my hometown of Santa Rosa, California, I am simply Joe Cool!

It’s there I can roll by in my dark shades, scarf snap flapping behind
but my Segway is different, it’s a custom built spy model.
My EZ-U-102 model has the latest in Wheel-Do Technology
with Duel Cyber-Phonic Rubbers, each tire independently thinks its way
across the road interacting with the Imaginative Autopilot System,
it goes where I think it to go all while I kick back and sip a brew.

Even though I use the Heads Up 3D Holographic Navigation System,
I still keep a grip on the handlebars to make it appear normal,
yet they are retro-fitted with 6.9 mil ear piercing mini cannons.
The cup holder, positioned directly on center in front of me,
holds my foaming latte and doubles as a rocket launcher.
With a click of the button, James Bond’s got nothing on me.

Peppermint Patty changed a lot after her cousin Janis Joplin passed away.
Her and Janis cousins?… Duh… From that day onward America,
we secretly dedicated our lives to protecting you, the public.
It’s been a lot of hard work and dangerous at times out there.
Peppermint Patty, Woodstock, and I had our share of fun times too.
We always bring Woodstock along. The belief of a friend is a great thing.

I am the Original Joe Cool! I gave James Dean a t-shirt and my jacket,
he borrowed my shades. I was snuggled up under JFK’s desk with John John,
always out of camera view while Patty went shopping with Jacqueline.
I was hanging with The Beatles when they wrote their hit song,
Happiness Is A Warm Puppy. I was curled up on the floor
of McQueen’s mustang. I even taught Henry Winkler how to be the Fonz.

I was certainly a total dog while chillin with my favorite stars.
Marilyn, Raquel, Farrah, Selena, Madonna, and Halle will always
be such tasty memories because I am always Joe Cool!
Patty, Woodstock, and I went to Woodstock, we saw the moon launch,
we cried for the Challenger crew and on 9-11, we were all at the Inauguration,
praying and watching Obama, feeling more American pride than ever.

I have seen all sorts of things in the clouds. Imagination!
I have grown out of feeling peculiar and I do not feel the need to bite a cat.
I am no longer just that funny looking kid with a big nose, thanks Patty!
…You know what they say about guys with big noses don’t you… wink, wink.
Everyone always wanted me to thin down, to trim up, but I am, such a dog,
I have a gut. In my gut, I hold the secrets. Imagination! That is all it takes.

R Jay Slais always makes time to write from his home in Romeo, Michigan while raising his two kids as a single parent and earning a living as an engineer/inventor for a Metro Detroit automotive supplier. The author of Mice Verses Man, a chapbook published by Big Table Publishing in January 2010, his poem In Every Loss I Found has been nominated for Best Of The Net 2010 – Sundress Publications.

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a typo that became a literary publication


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